Vacation!

So if you didn't know, I just got back from a two-week vacation traveling around the east coast. The trip had its highest highs, as well as its lowest lows.

Highs: I got to spend lots of time with my family!
Lows: I got to spend lots of time with my family.

No but seriously, I'm really glad I went on this trip; I learned a lot. And I did a lot of soul searching about who I am, who I want to be, and who I want to truly let into my life. Also, I got to go to New York and spend a couple hours at 30 Rock, so who could complain?

I didn't want to bombard Twitter or Instagram, so here are some pictures from the trip.

I'll chalk this up to a "moment of weakness".

Right before the NBC tour. I was more than a little excited.

Just subway hopping, you know.

Beautiful Montauk sunset by The Hamptons.

Big sis.

Paul Revere's house in Boston.

Beautiful Boston sky.

Brown University. Y'all I have never seen such a beautiful campus. It is now my goal to attend this university at some point in my life.

The Breakers, an old mansion that reminded me a little too much of Downton Abbey.

Some rando reading 50 Shades on the bus. I thought it was documentable.

So. Where did you go this summer?

Get out, get out, get out of my head

There are certain songs you listen to every once in a while and think, "Yeah. This is gonna be a hit." It is these particular songs that not only stay on the iTunes Top 100 list for 1000 consecutive weeks in a row, but also stay in my head for annoyingly extended periods of time. I feel like there's a science to the way songs are crafted; I mean, there's gotta be some way the music marketing people test these songs to make sure they really get implanted in our brains. I don't know.

Anyway, here's a list of songs that, at one time or another, I could not get out of my head for the life of me. (Disclaimer: This does not mean I dislike any of these songs. In fact, I think I adore almost all of them. It's just a love/hate kind of thing, you know?)

1. "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepson

Y'all, this song. I think the first time I heard it was when this video was brought to my attention back in February. And I don't think I've stopped singing it ever since. Plus, the music video (below). And the video of the Harvard baseball team dancing to it. And the thousands of parodies of it. I can't escape.

2. "My Life Would Suck Without You" by Kelly Clarkson

I shouldn't be allowed to sing this song, because the vocal range is too high and it gives me a headache after a while. But even so. I. Cannot. Stop. Plus Kelly Clarkson is my angel with no wings and any song she sings is a favorite of mine. So.

3. "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus

I don't even like Miley Cyrus. But I like this song. At one point after it came out, I would host private dance parties to it with me, myself, and I. It was quite the occasion. Side note: has anyone actually figured out how it's possible to "move my hips like yeah"? lmk

4. Hey Juliet by LMNT (pronounced "element"... I know)

Don't laugh okay? In my early fangirling days (circa 2002) I remember how whenever I was in the car, I demanded the radio station be on Radio Disney. Like I was adamant about this. And the Disney DJs were kind of obsessed with playing this song. So naturally I grabbed the bull by the horns and joined right in. My entire family was hell bent on getting me to listen to anything else, but y'all, it just would not happen. Fun facts: Another LMNT song "Open Your Eyes To Love", was featured in the Lizzie McGuire Movie. And one of the band members was Matthew Morrison. That's right, from Glee. You don't have to shake your head at me, I'm doing it for myself.

5. Someone Like You

From about September to December, this song was ingrained in my mind. Like, the lyrics were essentially tattooed to the insides of my eyelids. There was no escaping this song, be it on the radio, SNL, even school, where they'd play it in the courtyard as I walked across campus. I listened to it while studying, while procrastinating, while falling asleep, etc. And you know the worst part? It never even got old. I still adore it with all of me. My favorite version is the one below. The minor change in the chorus makes it even more hauntingly beautiful than it was before.

6. any One Direction song

That one just speaks for itself.

For Leila

You are currently hiking up in some mountain, probably sleeping under the stars and making marshmallows around a campfire (idk, I don't go camping). So I decided that since you'll be starved of access to the real world for a whole week, I might as well compile a list of important online things that you missed (with contributions from Abbi and Raven). Consider it an archive of love.

1. This song. It is magical, it is beautiful, it is love.

2. THE GREAT GATSBY TRAILER CAME OUT TUESDAY. Also, this is how Abbi and I felt after we saw it: http://bit.ly/KSbBrs

3. THIS ANON MESSAGE THAT MADE ME CRY

4. The asshole strikes again.

5. Raven started watching Downton Abbey AND Friday Night Lights. This made me happy, and I'm sure it will make you happy as well. Among her livetweets of the first few episodes, w thought you would enjoy these.

6. 1D came to America and there was a rumor that Harry punched someone. It was false, but hilarious nonetheless.

7. MATT SMITH IS GOING TO CARRY THE OLYMPIC TORCH ON FRIDAY IN CARDIFF. LOOK.

8. I was really proud of this response. Signs I need to get off the computer.

9.You'll cry laughing.

10. AND FINALLY...

We Few, We Happy Few

Here's something you should know about me: I really like being happy. "Of course you do, Neda, everyone does!" you might say. But I mean it. I don't think there's any greater feeling in the world than pure, unadulterated joy. And sometimes, I do whatever I can to feel that way. Including loving too much. To quote Leslie Knope, "If I seem too passionate, it's because I care. If I come on strong, it's because I feel strongly." So, last week, I took a bit of a turn for the worse. I don't necessarily know why, but I felt very alone and incredibly uncomfortable in my own skin. Luckily, with a little help from a friend, I was able to pull myself out of this funk. But it just was no fun at all. Then this week happened.

I was riding the public bus home today (yes, I need a car) and as I was getting ready to get off, the bus driver looked at me in the rear view mirror and said, "You know, you look really happy. You must have had a good day." I hadn't really thought about it, but I did have a good day. In fact, I had a really good week.

So without further ado, here is Neda's list of things that made her happy this week. 

1. This video. Apparently there are still some of you crazies who haven't seen it yet, so friggin watch it already. I've showed it to about 10 people and the absolute best part is watching/hearing their reactions. (Sidenote: You should also really watch this reaction video made by the lovely Raven, because of reasons.)

2. Abbi's hilariously entertaining live-tweet of Fifty Shades of Grey and Marci's gloriously unparalleled live-tweet of Titanic 3D. They were both epic and I'm really sorry for you if you missed out.

3. This video. I shared it in my last post about feminism as well, but it made me immensely happy, so I'm adding it here too. #yolo

4. The many new friends I have made this week (including Kate, Marci, Asmaa, and SJ). You guys are fantastic and I can't believe we didn't know each other before. It's been a downright joy getting to know you guys and I know that we are all becoming fast friends.

5. This interview, in which my hero/idol/goddess/queen/role model/everything Amy Poehler talks about Parks and Rec, as well as Tumblr. I won't lie to you, I squealed.

6. Of Monsters and Men. Y'all, if you haven't heard of this band yet, I strongly suggest giving them a listen. I am not a huge music fan, and I'm most definitely not into a whole lot of alternative stuff. But. This band is different. I have listened to every song on the album and contrary to my usual taste, I don't dislike a single song on it. Every single one is wonderful. I can't really explain why I love them... just listen and you'll get it. 

**"Little Talks" seems to be their most popular song so that's the one I posted, but I also highly recommend "King and Lionheart", "Lakehouse", "Mountain Sound", and "Six Weeks".

7. Last but not least, my great friends. This has mostly been such a great week for me mostly because I've been just talking to you guys and bonding with you. You all mean a lot to me, I hope you know that. And the root of my happiness undoubtedly comes from you guys. So Annie, Abbi, Leila, Raven, Laney, Hannah, Kat, Sarah, Kate (both of you), Sasha, and all my other incredible friends: You guys are the best. I love you.

My happiness is based on my surroundings. And my surroundings this week were downright delightful. I know I won't always feel like this, and there will probably be times that I end up feeling like I did last week. But I know that as long as I have good friends, my family, and my TV shows, I'm really gonna be okay. 

What made you happy this week? :)

The Devil is in the Details

This semester has been a bit trying for me, but one really great thing that has come out of it is the Women's Studies class I'm taking. Y'all, I highly recommend taking some sort of gender or race studies class in your educational career. I feel like for once I'm actually learning things that can be applied in the real world. It has even led me to consider a minor in Wom. St., which is big for me. So yes, this is an important class.

I've considered myself to be liberal for a long time. But I think before taking this class, I kind of just blindly followed the liberal stance on most political and social topics because I didn't quite understand what I was fighting for. This class has not only taught me multitudes about women and equality; it has taught me how to think for myself, and to make informed decisions about politically volatile issues. 

We've been talking a lot about body image in my class. How the media sets these impossibly high standards that potentially no one can achieve in terms of physical beauty. I'll be honest, I always hear people say, "Women don't really look like that," but until really studying this subject and seeing firsthand how make up and photoshop are used so excessively, I realize now that it's true. Nobody looks like that. Nobody has tan, flawless, hairless skin; slender, long legs; long, straight, manageable hair; piercing blue/green eyes; and a flat stomach. Sure, some people may have a couple of these attributes. But all of them? Nobody. 

We've all got things about ourselves that we don't like. That we hate, in fact. Even my professor, who is a devoted advocate of feminism (clearly, given her teaching position), admitted to having several body insecurities. And often, these insecurities manifest so much that they make us ashamed of ourselves. We become sad that we don't look the way we want, and then we do whatever it takes to go after that look. I know that I personally have insecurities involving my face that sometimes make me avoid eye contact with people because I'm scared that's all they're looking at.

If we took all the hours we spent worrying about our faces and our bodies and what we look like, and instead spent that time focusing on our futures and goals, I like to think that the world would be a much better place.

Not only has this class made me see the truth more clearly, but it has given me a reason to speak up. Last week I was at a dinner party with my family, all of whom are quite religious. One person at the table made a mildly sexist comment. Now usually, this would have stung and made me cringe a little, but I would have let it pass. But this time, I was empowered. I was going to speak up, damn it. So I did. 

And honestly it turned out to be an epic fail. I spluttered along with a few facts I had learned in class and said how making such a comment was pretty degrading. The entire table fell silent and everything got really weird and uncomfortable. Eventually someone changed the subject. But you know what? I wasn't ashamed. I didn't exactly make the greatest argument, but I stood my ground and I spoke up when someone said something I didn't believe in. And to me, that's a pretty great start.

We watched this in my class yesterday and it just blows me away every time I replay it. 

If there's one thing to take away from this post, it's this: Love yourself first, and others will follow.

All of us are lost

I would like to sincerely apologize for my (literally) insane blogging these past few weeks involving the television show masterpiece LOST.

Y'all, this show has done things to me that I didn't even think were possible. I talk to myself about the show. Out loud. I discuss theories with myself. OUT LOUD. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried while I had guests over because I kept thinking about the finale. When I say "crying" I'm usually not crying. TV hardly ever makes me cry. But. You guys. I CRIED. TEARS. FROM MY EYES. 

I don't think this is normal?

In conclusion, LOST is a wonderful thing and a gift to my life (even though it doesn't quite seem that way). I see the world differently because of it. I am a different, a better, person because of it. Therefore, I think it would be a really good investment in your life to start watching. And a great one in mine. Because then I could still go insane, but also have someone to reign me in when I go a leeettle too far.

I promise I'll leave you alone after this. Actually. Scratch that. I won't stop until all of you are Losties like me ;)

Oh, and you should watch this:

Now that's the kind of show you wanna watch. Am I right or am I right?

Pride and/or Prejudice

Last night I had to go see a play for my English class. I was waiting for my dad to come pick me up, but there was traffic so I knew it'd take a while. I started talking to a girl who I had previously gotten to know from my class who was also waiting for her ride, and eventually the subject came to boys and dating.

She asked me, "So do you have a boyfriend?"

"No, I don't." For some reason--maybe because it was really late and I was tired, or maybe because I just wanted to talk about this and confirm what I always just discussed in my head--I added, "Never had one, actually."

I expected a certain reaction. And I got it.

"Never? Oh my god." By the look on her face, I could easily have told her I'd had a pregnancy scare. "You've never even hooked up with a guy? Not even at prom?"

"Nope."

I guess she realized it would sound bad if she acted completely shocked, so she added, somewhat unconvincingly, "Aw, that's so sweet. You're like a little virgin baby." I laughed awkwardly and then changed the subject to her love life, which she launched into with great enthusiasm.

I should state first and foremost that I'm not angry. This girl is actually really nice and kind and although we're not great friends, I do respect her and enjoy her company. She's a good person.

But this conversation kind of stuck with me.

No, I've never had a boyfriend. I've never even really had a real kiss. (I don't count a game of Spin the Bottle at a girl's birthday party when I was 12.) And yeah, sometimes this bothers me. Sometimes I can't help but wonder, "What am I doing wrong?" I hardly know anyone who hasn't at least been asked out at one point in his/her life. I certainly see more than a fair share of couples around campus and LA in general. Most of my friends are, or have been, in relationships. So, yeah, you can bet that my mind will go to the assumption that there's gotta be something I'm doing that's drawing guys away and make me think, "Is it me?"

But you know what? It's also kind of okay. Maybe I haven't had tons of luck in the love department, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try and transform who I am so that this changes. I like who I am. I like how I look. I like my personality. And if no guys have really noticed that yet, well they haven't really been paying attention, have they? I know I'll find someone. It's just a matter of when.

Being in a relationship ain't exactly as wonderful as they make it out to be on TV anyways. I adore Ben/Leslie, Jim/Pam, etc. just as much as the next TV addict, but the fact is that relationships are not all lovey dovey cuteness and making out and flirting on Facebook for the world to see. Maybe I don't have what this girl has, but I think I know a thing or two about love. And love is not being with a guy just so that you can be able to say yes and smile demurely when people ask you if you have a boyfriend.

It's okay that she reacted the way she did. We were raised differently. We have different ideas of love and compassion. She even said she's got a few "fuck buddies" on the side. I, on the other hand, could not contemplate a one-night stand if my life was on the line.

I have faults. I don't need to list them, but I hope you believe me when I say this. I do have faults. I acknowledge them. And maybe these faults keep me a step behind girls like the one I talked to last night. But if there's one thing I know, it's that I have strength and self-respect and happiness, and somewhere, someday, someone will realize this and not only respect it, but love me for it. Until that happens, I'm perfectly content saying that no, I have never had a boyfriend, or a fuck buddy, or even a possible love interest. Because I know that it'll happen. And more importantly, I know that it's nothing to be ashamed of.

*Disclaimer: I am not trying to judge this kind of lifestyle or say people who have sex are in any way wrong. I simply wanted to state that this is not the way I go about my life. That's all.

Invictus

We read this today in my lit class and the entire time, my head was screaming, "JACK SHEPHARD". Does this not remind you of him in every way?



Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.


In the fell cluth of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.


Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.


It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.




I am convinced this poem was written for Jack. (Never mind that it was written more than a century before he existed...) His steadfast nature. His inability to waver from truth and goodness. His reliance on fact and consequence. His hard-headed, enduring personality. God, I just read this over and over and got so emotional thinking of everything Jack went through, and how this poem depicts him almost perfectly. Anyway, thought I'd share.

Obligatory Friendship Post

Friends. I've often told myself, who needs 'em? I like being alone. In fact, I LOVE being alone. It's the only time I really feel like me and not an alternate version of me. I've always had acquaintances. Classmates. Kids you waved at in the halls of school. Those kinds of friends were never hard to make. But they were tourists. (Parks fans, you know what I'm sayin'.)

But about a year and a half ago, I realized something. These temporary "hall friends" weren't gonna cut it. Even I can't stand loneliness for too long. Sure, I may not like to go out or know how to express my true feelings, but I needed someone who would understand that. Someone who would accept that. And someone who would most probably be the same way.

Then I met Annie. High school was a place where the popular thrived and the not-so-popular had quite a challenge ahead of them. So the fact that Annie and I met and bonded right then and there, that meant something to me. I am unwaveringly proud to have (and to BE) a best friend, especially despite my flaws and disgustingly terrible communication skills. But we found each other and I couldn't be happier.

And you know what? I thought that was it. I thought I had ran the race and come out a victor. I realized and accepted the fact that this was the closest I would ever get to friendship. I figured one was enough, and really, would I ever have that incredible stroke of lucky again where I met someone I immediately clicked with? Not likely.

Well, friends, I was wrong. I was so wrong. I was laughably wrong. I was wrong four times over.

Abbi. Dear, sweet Abbi. You took me under your wing during my shaky and unstable first time watching Doctor Who. You exchanged feelings and emotions with me like no other. I realized for the first time that people could truly bond over television. You taught me to love things. Really love things. And to not be ashamed of it either.

Leila. You are sharp of wit. You are smarter than I'll ever be. And DAMN you can make a good argument. You showed me how to reply to a text post with a gif (which is an extremely important and valuable thing to know, thank you very much). You constantly put a stupid grin on my face when you lecture me about historical facts that, if learned in history class, I would fall asleep to, but when learned from you, are perfect and informative. In short, you know your strengths, and you are not in any way afraid to use them.

Raven. You beautiful, sophisticated, independent young woman. I am in awe of you. I swear you were a queen or some sort of woman in a high social position in a previous life. You are razor sharp. You have charisma to beat us all. You do your thing, and you don't fucking care if they like it. But they like it. In fact, they love it.

Laney. I refuse to believe we met less than a week ago. In that time we have bonded more than I could have ever imagined. Bless you for loving Lucy as much as I do. I realized right away that I had met my match in you. You have the silliness I've always craved, the poise I've always lacked, and the ability to turn the saddest thing into the happiest, which I've always seen but could never emulate. I think more than anything, you teach me how to harness my love and obsession, and reign it in the right direction (which coincidentally, happens to be you and the aforementioned ladies.)

None of this could ever be said aloud. In conversation, I trip up. I lose myself in the thinking instead of the speaking. So here is my solution. I am surrounded by love and I don't know what to do with myself. So I write. And I love back.

Internet's down, and so am I.

I'm sitting in the library at school. I brought my computer, ready to spend some quality time online during my three hour break between classes. But alas. The wifi access is down. So my only two options at this point are a) do homework or b) write a blog post that I will publish as soon as the godforsaken internet comes back on. As you can probably guess, I chose the latter.

Since it's been a very random week, I feel as though it would be fitting to write a random post with random things about myself. So if you were thinking, “Hmm, that blogging chick is pretty awesome. I'd like to get to know her,” now's your chance.

1. I am deathly afraid of automatically flushing toilets.
2. I have mild to moderate scoliosis (not debilitating).
3. It is physically and mentally impossible for me to be intentionally mean to someone, even if they have just punched me in the face. This is, in fact, my fatal flaw.
4. I think I'm really funny. I am the only one who thinks this.
5. I hate candy (Jolly Ranchers, Laffy Taffy, etc), but I love chocolate.
6. I avoid stepping on cracks in the pavement more than I care to admit.
7. I laugh after everything I say. I think it's a nervous tick. Or a byproduct of my social anxiety.
8. Sometimes I get emotional over fonts. (It's true.)
9. If I could work in any fictional TV setting, it'd probably be the Cheers bar. Or the Pawnee Parks Dept. I could be either a sassy barmaid or Ben Wyatt's sassy secretary. Either way, I insist on the sassy part.
10. I'm pretty sure that in another life, my hair was steel wool.
11. I knew Spanish for about ten minutes in high school. I knew Farsi for about five.
12. 12 is my lucky number.
13. 13 is Taylor Swift's lucky number. (Why do I know this?)
14. I tell people I hate dancing but I really love it.
15. I still don't have internet, so I'm gonna keep going. Isn't this nice? I feel like we know me better already.
16. I have a genetic disorder called “club thumb.” Okay it's not a disorder. Unless you count being unable to text more than two words a minute. Then it's just unfortunate. (Google club thumb. You'll see what I mean.) I do, however, take a bit of pride in this super cool trait my dad passed down to me. Megan Fox has them too. So, can't be all bad, right?
17. I have the same birthday as Harry Potter and JK Rowling. I believe this to be my most redeeming quality and bring it up in conversation as often as I can.
18. The public transportation system of Los Angeles is something I would not wish upon my worst enemy.
19. I don't have my license. Or my permit. I've never even driven a car before. I'm 18, yo.
20. Aaah, a glimmer of hope for a second there on the wifi front, but it's out again. What's that? You want to know more? Calm down, stalker.
21. I would take a bath in Nutella if I could.
22. Israeli food is fantastic and I highly recommend it.
23. You know who sucks? Adam Scott.
24. I'm actually seriously debating putting this on my blog. What does that say about me?
25. The guy behind me is coughing up a lung and all I can think about is Contagion.
26. I have so many blogs. Why do I have so many blogs?
27. I actually liked high school.
28. I've never seen Star Wars.
29. Even if I wanted to see Star Wars, I wouldn't know where the fuck to start. Didn't the fourth movie come out first or some shit?
30. If Gene Kelly was still alive, I would date him so hard.
31. Something about watching LNwJF motivates me to exercise. So at 12:45am you can find me in my living room, simultaneously attempting a push up (key word: attempting) and squealing because Jimmy's face.
32. Oy vey, this is getting long. But still no interwebs.
33. If you've gotten this far in the post, I'll assume you're either a) shaking your head thinking, damn look at this crazy-ass motherfucker, or b) you're an undercover CIA agent who was assigned to learn my entire background and history for a special op in which I am a key asset and must be protected with 24 hour surveillance, although I do not know this. One day I notice a suspicious black van following me everywhere I go and I confront the driver, who tells me my role in this internationally sensitive operation that, if botched, could lead to a nuclear war and prophetic disaster. I will at first deny this story, believing you to just be some crazy person, and attempt to escape the bodyguards surrounding my house at all hours of the day. But after several failed efforts to do this, I break down and realize that I must now go undercover and undergo training to become a CIA agent in order to protect my family and stop this conspiracy from coming to light. I leave my family in the dead of night with only a note saying, “I'm sorry, I wish I could explain.” They are sad, but they understand. I undergo months of grueling training and become a bad ass CIA operative, on par with the likes of Agent Cody Banks himself. I travel to Russia, where the conspiracy is being plotted, and infiltrate the Moscow base. I get the Russians to trust me. I become a double agent. I am forced to cut off ties with the American government because one of the Russians is beginning to get suspicious. The CIA thinks I've been turned. After five years, I work my way up at the Moscow base and now have considerable influence. I slowly take down the company behind the conspiracy, and kill anyone who gets in my way. I annihilate the enemy and return home. I am welcomed back as a hero and get my face plastered on every newspaper in the country. There are many interviews, but all I want is my bed and my computer. I've missed the internet. I go home, log on to Tumblr, and write a text post saying, “Miss me bitches?”
34. Whoo. That wasted a good 25 minutes. The internet is back. Temporarily. Imma go make the best of it. Adieu, fair readers!