Internet's down, and so am I.

I'm sitting in the library at school. I brought my computer, ready to spend some quality time online during my three hour break between classes. But alas. The wifi access is down. So my only two options at this point are a) do homework or b) write a blog post that I will publish as soon as the godforsaken internet comes back on. As you can probably guess, I chose the latter.

Since it's been a very random week, I feel as though it would be fitting to write a random post with random things about myself. So if you were thinking, “Hmm, that blogging chick is pretty awesome. I'd like to get to know her,” now's your chance.

1. I am deathly afraid of automatically flushing toilets.
2. I have mild to moderate scoliosis (not debilitating).
3. It is physically and mentally impossible for me to be intentionally mean to someone, even if they have just punched me in the face. This is, in fact, my fatal flaw.
4. I think I'm really funny. I am the only one who thinks this.
5. I hate candy (Jolly Ranchers, Laffy Taffy, etc), but I love chocolate.
6. I avoid stepping on cracks in the pavement more than I care to admit.
7. I laugh after everything I say. I think it's a nervous tick. Or a byproduct of my social anxiety.
8. Sometimes I get emotional over fonts. (It's true.)
9. If I could work in any fictional TV setting, it'd probably be the Cheers bar. Or the Pawnee Parks Dept. I could be either a sassy barmaid or Ben Wyatt's sassy secretary. Either way, I insist on the sassy part.
10. I'm pretty sure that in another life, my hair was steel wool.
11. I knew Spanish for about ten minutes in high school. I knew Farsi for about five.
12. 12 is my lucky number.
13. 13 is Taylor Swift's lucky number. (Why do I know this?)
14. I tell people I hate dancing but I really love it.
15. I still don't have internet, so I'm gonna keep going. Isn't this nice? I feel like we know me better already.
16. I have a genetic disorder called “club thumb.” Okay it's not a disorder. Unless you count being unable to text more than two words a minute. Then it's just unfortunate. (Google club thumb. You'll see what I mean.) I do, however, take a bit of pride in this super cool trait my dad passed down to me. Megan Fox has them too. So, can't be all bad, right?
17. I have the same birthday as Harry Potter and JK Rowling. I believe this to be my most redeeming quality and bring it up in conversation as often as I can.
18. The public transportation system of Los Angeles is something I would not wish upon my worst enemy.
19. I don't have my license. Or my permit. I've never even driven a car before. I'm 18, yo.
20. Aaah, a glimmer of hope for a second there on the wifi front, but it's out again. What's that? You want to know more? Calm down, stalker.
21. I would take a bath in Nutella if I could.
22. Israeli food is fantastic and I highly recommend it.
23. You know who sucks? Adam Scott.
24. I'm actually seriously debating putting this on my blog. What does that say about me?
25. The guy behind me is coughing up a lung and all I can think about is Contagion.
26. I have so many blogs. Why do I have so many blogs?
27. I actually liked high school.
28. I've never seen Star Wars.
29. Even if I wanted to see Star Wars, I wouldn't know where the fuck to start. Didn't the fourth movie come out first or some shit?
30. If Gene Kelly was still alive, I would date him so hard.
31. Something about watching LNwJF motivates me to exercise. So at 12:45am you can find me in my living room, simultaneously attempting a push up (key word: attempting) and squealing because Jimmy's face.
32. Oy vey, this is getting long. But still no interwebs.
33. If you've gotten this far in the post, I'll assume you're either a) shaking your head thinking, damn look at this crazy-ass motherfucker, or b) you're an undercover CIA agent who was assigned to learn my entire background and history for a special op in which I am a key asset and must be protected with 24 hour surveillance, although I do not know this. One day I notice a suspicious black van following me everywhere I go and I confront the driver, who tells me my role in this internationally sensitive operation that, if botched, could lead to a nuclear war and prophetic disaster. I will at first deny this story, believing you to just be some crazy person, and attempt to escape the bodyguards surrounding my house at all hours of the day. But after several failed efforts to do this, I break down and realize that I must now go undercover and undergo training to become a CIA agent in order to protect my family and stop this conspiracy from coming to light. I leave my family in the dead of night with only a note saying, “I'm sorry, I wish I could explain.” They are sad, but they understand. I undergo months of grueling training and become a bad ass CIA operative, on par with the likes of Agent Cody Banks himself. I travel to Russia, where the conspiracy is being plotted, and infiltrate the Moscow base. I get the Russians to trust me. I become a double agent. I am forced to cut off ties with the American government because one of the Russians is beginning to get suspicious. The CIA thinks I've been turned. After five years, I work my way up at the Moscow base and now have considerable influence. I slowly take down the company behind the conspiracy, and kill anyone who gets in my way. I annihilate the enemy and return home. I am welcomed back as a hero and get my face plastered on every newspaper in the country. There are many interviews, but all I want is my bed and my computer. I've missed the internet. I go home, log on to Tumblr, and write a text post saying, “Miss me bitches?”
34. Whoo. That wasted a good 25 minutes. The internet is back. Temporarily. Imma go make the best of it. Adieu, fair readers!

Amy n' Me

I'd like to share with you an experience that changed my life.

AAAAAAHHH!!!!

If you know me at all, you know that I adore Amy Poehler with every fiber of my being. So it was not even up for debate that when I discovered tickets were being sold for "Amy Poehler in Conversation with Jane Lynch" at a theater only a few minutes from my house, I would be going.* My sisters and I bought tickets and stood in line in 40 degree weather**, but we did it without complaint. And good lord am I glad we went.

After standing in line, we went inside the theater and got fourth row seats (I know right) behind Jane Lynch's wife and daughter (I KNOW RIGHT). Although at the time, we didn't know this fact. So we're sitting there waiting for it to start, and all of a sudden my sister finds a wallet on the floor. Opens it up to see who's it is, and holy mother, if that wasn't Jane Lynch's wallet lying on the floor a foot away from me. So at this point I've just about lost it completely, and Amy hasn't even arrived yet. We give the wallet to an usher, who gives it to Jane, who gives it to her wife. Apparently her wife had been holding on to it and it fell out of her jacket onto the floor behind her seat.

Sister: "Stop. That's not cute."

Trying to get warm in line.
It's not working.

So after that little incident, I'm basically jumping out of my seat, craning my neck in every direction to see if I can possibly catch a glimpse of Amy's face. And that's when I see the camera flashes. I look behind me (I have an aisle seat) and Amy is literally walking past me in a gloriously bright orange dress, with black tights and shoes I would kill for. Applause, cheering, and fangirling commence.

Sidenote: What I didn't know at the time was that three fellow Tumblr-ites, one of whom I was already following, were in the same theater, watching the same show. If I had known more bloggers would be coming, I would have organized some sort of sleepover the night before so we could all hang out and shit. But I digress...

Me and my hero. She said I was "so sweet!" when I
gushed about how much I love her. Please excuse
the shitty quality.

The preface of the event was that Jane would be interviewing Amy. She had done detailed research on Poehlz and had taken copious notes. She mentioned some stuff that even I didn't know. (Trust me, that's saying something.) The two talked about their upbringing, their introduction to comedy, and how they made it in the business. One of the first things Jane mentioned was that she found it amazing that when reporters asked Amy anything about women in comedy, she just would not answer the question. Jane also pointed out that when an interviewer asked Amy if she was surprised at all her success, Amy said no. Jane said something like, "And I loved that you said that." Amy was like, "Really? It sounds kind of douchey when you say it back to me."

I won't give a word-for-word analysis of the interview, mostly because it was almost an hour and a half of golden material that I can't do proper justice. And because you can watch it right here.

But I will say one thing. One really important thing. At one point in the interview, Amy was talking about how she got interested in improv. She said that there's a difference between seeing someone do something and thinking, "That's so cool, how do they do that?" and seeing someone do something and thinking "I wanna do THAT. I wanna be up there." That was her aha! moment. I could see the light in her eyes as she said this. Her whole face brightened up whenever she brought up improv in any aspect throughout the interview.

Oh yeah, we met Jane Lynch too. She was super duper nice.

That night I couldn't sleep a wink. I tossed and turned in my bed, unable to get that quote of my mind. It was then that I realized something (because let's be honest, all major life decisions are made in those moments before you drift off to sleep). Seeing Amy up there, talking to Jane, that was my aha! moment. I don't know what I'll be doing 10 years from now. I don't know how my life will work out. But that gleam in her eye? A sheer excitement that comes from talking about what she does for a living? I wanna do THAT. I want THAT to be the look on my face when I tell someone about my job, my passions, my life. I wanna have THAT enthusiasm about something I've been doing for years and years and years.

Amy taught me a lot of things that night. And she even answered one of my questions.*** It was really just an unforgettable experience and it's a night I will 1. never forget and 2. never stop talking about. Prepare to be annoyed.

*Shout out to Annie. Without her telling me about the event, I would never have known it was happening. So thanks babe.
**I'm from L.A.! I'm allowed to be weather-spoiled.
***Listen for the girl in the video with the gross voice at around 53:35 asking whether Amy would ever consider a dramatic role in film or TV.

Oh Sheesh Y'all

It's been a while. I'm pretty sure I classify myself as a spontaneous blogger, as in, I write when I'm inspired and when I'm not, I just have nothing to say. But lately a lot has happened that has got me realizing how lucky I am and how wonderfully OPEN the prospects of my life are. Let me indulge you:

1. I woke up in the middle of the night some time in January with one ear completely plugged. It was extremely frightening and after a couple of hours, I was legitimately starting to think about being permanently deaf in one ear. (Yes I realize this is overdramatic, but my mind goes to some really strange places okay?) Anyway, I went to the doctor, who basically just told me I hadn't been cleaning my ears the right way (there's a way to clean your ears?) and that too much wax had built up. (TMI?) I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say, I have my hearing back and now fully appreciate all sounds and noises, no matter how harsh, crass, or downright awful.

2. I FINALLY PICKED A MAJOR!!! I've been struggling with this shit for a very long time and I honestly am still not 100% sure, but at this point I never will be. Ladies and gents, you're looking at an English major. (AmericanLit? Comparitive Lit? Still have no effing clue. But at least I decided.) My dad is against this decision. In fact, my entire family will be against this decision, once they find out. Every single one of my cousins/family members has a) attended UCLA, b) become a doctor or is training to become a doctor, c) is a math&science genius. I am none of these things and never will be. And that's okay. Hey, I'll be poor for the rest of my life, but at least I'll be doing something I love. Right? Right. (Right?)

3. I became really close with two unbelievably amazing girls. Honestly I don't know how I've gone so long not knowing Abbi and Leila because they are me and I am them. That makes sense right? I mean, I must have friggin knew them in another life or something. True, I am constantly cockblocked by the more or less 10 states in between us, but there's texting and social networking, so for now it's all good.

4. My obsession with P&R has turned into a full-blown all-consuming infatuation. It's not funny, it's very serious. I should see someone about this...

This is my Parks face. That alone should tell you that something is very wrong. Help.

5. I will be, for the 18th time in a row, Valentine-less. But fuck all that. Happy Anna Howard Shaw Day!

6. I went to a library recently that had old magazines from the 90s. I flipped through the July '93 issue of Seventeen, and DAMN. Times were different. And not just different styles and ways of talking. The models actually looked like normal-sized girls. I mean, it's crazy right? They also had a 6-page spread about a girl with an eating disorder and how terrible it was for her. If this doesn't give you 90s nostalgia then I don't know what the fuck will.

7. I read Mindy Kaling's FLAWLESS book.

Attention people reading this: if you are interested in comedy in any way, shape, or form, pick up that motherfucking book and read your heart out. I was so inspired by Mindy's story, especially because it's almost exactly the same as mine. Immigrant parents, modest childhood, extremely awkward adolescence, comedy nerd from a young age, and aspiring writer. She fascinates me and after reading the book I feel like her sister or that co-worker you always hang out with who calls you "bitch" and goes shopping with you. READ IT.

8. I'm getting a Mac very soon. So I'll need tutorials like never before, seeing as I've been a PC's bitch my entire life.

I think that's about it. The past few months have been pretty good to me, and on Monday I start a new quarter at school. I'll probably be a bit busier than I was in this quarter because I'm going from one class at 10 in the morning to 4 classes starting at 8 in the morning. Oy. So if the next post doesn't come for a while, you'll know where I've gone. Or I'm dead... I'll leave you to ponder that.