Internet's down, and so am I.

I'm sitting in the library at school. I brought my computer, ready to spend some quality time online during my three hour break between classes. But alas. The wifi access is down. So my only two options at this point are a) do homework or b) write a blog post that I will publish as soon as the godforsaken internet comes back on. As you can probably guess, I chose the latter.

Since it's been a very random week, I feel as though it would be fitting to write a random post with random things about myself. So if you were thinking, “Hmm, that blogging chick is pretty awesome. I'd like to get to know her,” now's your chance.

1. I am deathly afraid of automatically flushing toilets.
2. I have mild to moderate scoliosis (not debilitating).
3. It is physically and mentally impossible for me to be intentionally mean to someone, even if they have just punched me in the face. This is, in fact, my fatal flaw.
4. I think I'm really funny. I am the only one who thinks this.
5. I hate candy (Jolly Ranchers, Laffy Taffy, etc), but I love chocolate.
6. I avoid stepping on cracks in the pavement more than I care to admit.
7. I laugh after everything I say. I think it's a nervous tick. Or a byproduct of my social anxiety.
8. Sometimes I get emotional over fonts. (It's true.)
9. If I could work in any fictional TV setting, it'd probably be the Cheers bar. Or the Pawnee Parks Dept. I could be either a sassy barmaid or Ben Wyatt's sassy secretary. Either way, I insist on the sassy part.
10. I'm pretty sure that in another life, my hair was steel wool.
11. I knew Spanish for about ten minutes in high school. I knew Farsi for about five.
12. 12 is my lucky number.
13. 13 is Taylor Swift's lucky number. (Why do I know this?)
14. I tell people I hate dancing but I really love it.
15. I still don't have internet, so I'm gonna keep going. Isn't this nice? I feel like we know me better already.
16. I have a genetic disorder called “club thumb.” Okay it's not a disorder. Unless you count being unable to text more than two words a minute. Then it's just unfortunate. (Google club thumb. You'll see what I mean.) I do, however, take a bit of pride in this super cool trait my dad passed down to me. Megan Fox has them too. So, can't be all bad, right?
17. I have the same birthday as Harry Potter and JK Rowling. I believe this to be my most redeeming quality and bring it up in conversation as often as I can.
18. The public transportation system of Los Angeles is something I would not wish upon my worst enemy.
19. I don't have my license. Or my permit. I've never even driven a car before. I'm 18, yo.
20. Aaah, a glimmer of hope for a second there on the wifi front, but it's out again. What's that? You want to know more? Calm down, stalker.
21. I would take a bath in Nutella if I could.
22. Israeli food is fantastic and I highly recommend it.
23. You know who sucks? Adam Scott.
24. I'm actually seriously debating putting this on my blog. What does that say about me?
25. The guy behind me is coughing up a lung and all I can think about is Contagion.
26. I have so many blogs. Why do I have so many blogs?
27. I actually liked high school.
28. I've never seen Star Wars.
29. Even if I wanted to see Star Wars, I wouldn't know where the fuck to start. Didn't the fourth movie come out first or some shit?
30. If Gene Kelly was still alive, I would date him so hard.
31. Something about watching LNwJF motivates me to exercise. So at 12:45am you can find me in my living room, simultaneously attempting a push up (key word: attempting) and squealing because Jimmy's face.
32. Oy vey, this is getting long. But still no interwebs.
33. If you've gotten this far in the post, I'll assume you're either a) shaking your head thinking, damn look at this crazy-ass motherfucker, or b) you're an undercover CIA agent who was assigned to learn my entire background and history for a special op in which I am a key asset and must be protected with 24 hour surveillance, although I do not know this. One day I notice a suspicious black van following me everywhere I go and I confront the driver, who tells me my role in this internationally sensitive operation that, if botched, could lead to a nuclear war and prophetic disaster. I will at first deny this story, believing you to just be some crazy person, and attempt to escape the bodyguards surrounding my house at all hours of the day. But after several failed efforts to do this, I break down and realize that I must now go undercover and undergo training to become a CIA agent in order to protect my family and stop this conspiracy from coming to light. I leave my family in the dead of night with only a note saying, “I'm sorry, I wish I could explain.” They are sad, but they understand. I undergo months of grueling training and become a bad ass CIA operative, on par with the likes of Agent Cody Banks himself. I travel to Russia, where the conspiracy is being plotted, and infiltrate the Moscow base. I get the Russians to trust me. I become a double agent. I am forced to cut off ties with the American government because one of the Russians is beginning to get suspicious. The CIA thinks I've been turned. After five years, I work my way up at the Moscow base and now have considerable influence. I slowly take down the company behind the conspiracy, and kill anyone who gets in my way. I annihilate the enemy and return home. I am welcomed back as a hero and get my face plastered on every newspaper in the country. There are many interviews, but all I want is my bed and my computer. I've missed the internet. I go home, log on to Tumblr, and write a text post saying, “Miss me bitches?”
34. Whoo. That wasted a good 25 minutes. The internet is back. Temporarily. Imma go make the best of it. Adieu, fair readers!