Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Lesson Learned

In my formative years, there was many a time when the concept of growing up was presented to me in such a way that the living shit lights were scared right out of me. Let me paint you a picture.

When I was in kindergarten, I had just entered public school for the first time. Before that, I had attended a private, religious preschool that set aside time every day for Jewish studies. You know, trying to round us out as students who could both count to ten and recite the first few pages of the Shemah. (Sorry. I'll save the religion rant for another day.)

Like anybody in a new situation, I was scared. I feared the white, blonde girls and boys who didn't have Persian accents. I feared the ginger teacher who it was obvious had no real concept of the Torah. But most of all I feared being away from home. My preschool was a mere three blocks from my home, and now I had to take a 15 minute drive in order to get to kindergarten. What was this sorcery?!

Nevertheless, I survived. And in fact, I thrived. I made great friends (all of whom are my proud friends on Facebook that I occasionally stalk but never actually see or talk to). I learned the alphabet, I taught myself how to color inside the lines, and I mastered the ever-grappling monkey bars.

And then it was over. Before you could say "Jesus Greg Kinnear," kindergarten had ended. (You're welcome for the Parks reference.) It was at this point that I learned my first valuable lesson, the one that we are reminded of almost every day. Nothing gold can stay, you don't know what you've got till it's gone, I will remember you. Look at that, I just quoted Robert Frost, Joni Mitchell, and Sarah McLachlan all in the same sentence!

Cut to: the first day of 1st grade. Instead of going straight to my new classroom, I, along with my old kindergarten buddies, were herded back into our old room. We were organized into groups and each group sat down at a different table in different chairs, which quite oddly seemed to have shrunk over the summer vacation. A different adult came over to each table.

My old kindergarten teacher stood at the front of the class and quieted us down. She said, "Boys and girls, do you all see the adults at your tables? These are your new teachers. You are going to follow them to your new classrooms!" Her cheeriness was meant to make us feel welcome in this new situation, but she wasn't fooling anyone.

In my head I thought, "You're telling me I have to be in a new class, with a new teacher, with mostly new students?" I was baffled. And here came Lesson #2. It seemed that I couldn't stay in the same place for too long. Life gets in the way. It makes you move and grow and change, and not everyone is going to change with you. And even though it's not up to you who stays in your life and who doesn't, you do get to decide one thing. You are in charge of how you grow, how you change. This may attract certain people towards you, due to the general air and grace that comes with being six years old.

We now enter the first grade. It was scarier because I was growing up, yet more exciting because, well, I was growing up. Once again, I had the time of my life. I learned that it was in fact possible to read a book that was more than 10 pages (although books with no pictures would come much later). I discovered the difference between friends, best friends, and best friends in the universe of all time forever and always. (These are in fact the Facebook friends I so often catch up with.) Oh, and I learned how to tell time.

And once again, the year came and went. Lesson 2 was reinforced as I said goodbye to Facebook friend #4 and #7 (see how good a friend I am?) as I left for the summer.

On the first day of second grade, I was naïve. I figured we would once again be taken to our old class and sorted into our new ones. I had steeled myself for this over the summer. I was ready to say goodbye to old friends and old memories and begin my new, classy life as a second grader. (I consider it a great deal of maturity to have grasped the idea of nostalgia at such a young age. But I am far from philosophical, I promise you.)

But the public school system cheated me (in more ways than one). My mom drove me to school that day, walked with me directly to my new class and said goodbye. I was perplexed. Wouldn't I get a chance to say goodbye to the old days? Are they really suggesting I jump into this new routine without knowing what exactly I'm getting into? Devastation hit like a ton of bricks.

The third--but nowhere near final--lesson of elementary school had been learned. This wouldn't be the last time someone metaphorically held my hand through the schooling process and eased me into a new situation. But when the training wheels came off, I was always in for a rude awakening. I think this is a phenomenon that gets the best of us as humans. We expect after a while to be led through life with someone behind us, holding the seat of the bike so we don't fall over. But when the support is gone, we become a wobbly mess and sometimes fall flat on our faces. I guess I learned that it's muscle memory, combined with brain power and willingness to succeed that let's us balance out and ride that bike like it's nobody's business. And if we fail, there's always the helmet to break our fall. Hey, no one said the hand-holding had to go away all at the same time.

Just for kicks, I thought I'd share a couple other little nuggets of wisdom I learned throughout my elementary years.
  • Never fall palms-first onto an open, grassy area in springtime; it is likely that a bee will be hiding beneath the blades of grass with it's stinger at attention. 
  • The monkey bars are great fun until you're sobbing in the nurse's office due to several peeling calluses. 
  • Valentine's Day cards are a sham; the boy you've had the biggest crush on for ages may have dropped into your bag a "Be Mine" card with little hearts all over it and Mickey and Minnie staring doe-eyed at each other, but that two-timing bastard also gave the same card to every other girl in the class. Talk about disappointment.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Great study music

This is just that "feels-good-in-your-bones" type of music. Also, you can't go wrong with Yo-Yo Ma.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Want

The other day, my sister was explaining to me a situation in which she had to choose between two things, one of which scared her to death. I, in my "wisdom," was reminded of the great Kristen Wiig and told my sister, "Go for the scary one. Do one thing every day that scares you."

If only I could take my own advice.

Kristen said once that you need to dream big and try as hard as you can to achieve your goals. She said something along the lines of, "If your dreams don't scare the shit out of you, they're not big enough." I believe in this 100%. My dreams are the scariest things in my head. Where will I be next year? Five years from now? Will I be living my dreams or wishing I had pursued them?

I know Kristen is right, and I know she's absolutely justified in saying that, because she's living her dream. But my problem doesn't lie in the fact that my dreams aren't big enough. My problem is that I'm scared. Up until a few months ago, almost all major decisions were made for me. I didn't have to think too hard about what I wanted to do with my life because my time was occupied with endless busy work and not much reason to look ahead to the future.

But now, I'm in college. Now, independence strikes me across the face five times a day as I am continuously asked (and as I continuously ask myself) what the hell I want to do with my life. I guess the problem isn't so much that I don't know what I want; it's that I'm too afraid to go get it. Whenever the subject of majors or professions comes up I recoil like an animal that's just heard a gunshot. I run away and I don't look back.

I want so many things. I want to write. I want to work in television. I want to be able to definitively answer someone when they ask me what my major is and not care about the flicker of doubt on their face as they think about how worthless a degree in "____" is. I want to inspire people like Amy Poehler has inspired me. I want people to not only see me for how nice I am, but for how hard I work and how dedicated I am to making my dreams come true. Yes, these things scare me shitless. But I think I don't want hard enough.

The bottom line is that fear drives me, but it also holds me back.

Maybe Kristen should rephrase what she said: If your dreams scare the shit out of you, they're big enough. And if you want your dreams to come true, you better be ready to walk into a haunted house full of your worst fears and prepare to face them at any moment. Because "wants" are endless, but fears can be overcome.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Worries

So I just saw an article about how, due to the weird bloodline of the British monarchy, William and Kate's firstborn child will undoubtedly be the heir to the throne, whether it's a boy or girl.

And this scared me a little. A poor little kid who isn't even born yet, and his/her future is already planned out for him/her. That's got to be unbearable. Imagine having everything decided for you, your life plastered on the cover of magazine tabloids, your name repeated by millions simply because of your bloodline.

And then I thought about Kate. I mean, she probably knew what she was getting into when she married this guy, right? By saying "I do," she kind of... signed her life away. No, that sounds too dramatic. More like, she gave up certain rights and privacies when she put on that dress and got married in front of the world.

Is it too big a price to pay? Maybe she's stronger than I give her credit for. Maybe she knew exactly what she signed up for. Perhaps all the craziness is worth it for the man she married. I really hope that's true. I guess I just worry about the girl, as well as her future child. Maybe celebrity status isn't exactly what it's cracked up to be.

The actor's the thing

I've been thinking a lot about actors. If done right, the business of acting is a beautiful thing. What amazes me sometimes is how an actor can play one role brilliantly, and then another role, equally brilliantly

Let me give you a more tangible example. I was just staring at a picture of Leslie Knope, and I swear to you, I had to physically remind myself that it was really Amy Poehler behind makeup. I don’t know if it’s just me. Maybe it is. But Leslie Knope is a legitimate person to me, she is not a character. I think of her as an entirely separate life form from Amy. And this happens quite rarely for me. I literally see no traces of Amy in Leslie, or vice versa. When I see Amy acting in other movies/SNL, I never think, “Oh yeah, she plays Leslie Knope.” Amy is just that good. And yes, I realize this is a pretty mundane revelation, but it kind of blows my mind.

And Amy is just one of many actors who can do this. (Mind you, there are an even greater number who can't...) It's just so insane that you can imagine a character from a movie, TV show, etc., and know their background and how they'd react in situations... and then that same actor plays a different character and nothing is the same. Not the clothes they wear, not their bodily movements, not even the inflections in their voices.

I've done a fair share of acting myself, and while I love it, I just don't think I could ever have that factor. That ability to make you not see Neda, but somebody completely different. It's a gift, one that I am wildly jealous of. If you have it, use it. And if you don't... maybe don't quit your day job.

"Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself." - Rodney Dangerfield

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Max

Max, I wish I knew you. I wish I had spoken to you, even just once. It seems like you were a truly amazing person. No one deserves this, but when it happens to someone who was so good, it’s just so confusing and hard to understand. 

I’m so sorry. So sorry. I wish there was something I could do. I keep playing these scenarios in my head where I could go back in time and somehow warn you, warn somebody, about what was going to happen this morning. I keep looking at your Facebook profile, at the last few things you posted, the last things you said to your friends, family, and girlfriend. How could you have known? How could anyone have known that your life would end so abruptly, so unnaturally? I hate the universe for doing this to you. It wasn’t your time and it’s not fair. It will never be fair.

I dedicate this precious day of my existence to Max Tinglof, who was taken from us and won’t get to live another day. I dedicate tomorrow to his sister and the next to his parents. It’s right that it rained today. The sky is mourning the loss of a great young man.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

(1) Facebook

The thing about Facebook profile pictures is that we're all lying to ourselves. Or, otherwise, being douchey Hollywood starlets who blush under the scrutiny of our friends/fans.


"aaah this is so pretty!"
"omg you're gorgeous"
"seriously, stop it, you are too beautiful"

*Julia Roberts laugh* Stop it, guys, I'm not pretty. You're the gorgeous one. *heart, cute smiley face, other various cyber lingo*

Well, excuse me, Ms. Fishing-for-compliments. I guess I had it wrong.

See, I thought you posted this one as your profile picture because you thought you looked good in it. I figured that there was a slew of some 600 other photos on your already cluttered profile, and the fact that you chose this picture to be the one people see when you show up anywhere on the website kind of led me to believe that you thought it was at least remotely a good picture. My mistake.

You do understand that the point of a profile picture is to show people "You." The idealistic you. The photographic summary of what you encapsulate; what makes you TICK. I mean, that's why we all have Facebook profiles, isn't it? To paint a pseudo-realistic portrait of ourselves in the pseudo-realistic place we call the Internet.

I mean, Jesus, you don't even have to think you're beautiful. Fine. But for goodness sake, can you at least just admit that maybe, just MAYBE you look okay in this one shot? Why, WHY, instead of a simple "Thank you!" or "That's very sweet of you to say," do you need to draw attention to the fact that you're an ugly witch with no physically appealing aspirations whatsoever?

You know what? Just once, I would love to see someone put this as the caption under their profile picture.

"Hey everyone, this is my profile picture and I made it my profile picture because it is a good picture and I am celebrating the fact that I actually look good in this one, which doesn't happen very often. So here it is, and feel free to comment but I already know what you're going to say and you already know what my response will be so why don't we just all save each other from the bullshit and the Carpal tunnel and just go about our day? Oh, but if you don't "like" it, I'll get really depressed and act like I have no friends."

That would be great. That would get a standing ovation and a round of applause from me.

Oh and one more thing. If you're reading this thinking, "She's got a point, you know," just remember the fact that I am a giant hypocrite and in about 20 minutes I will log on to Facebook and "modestly" brush off a compliment of how I look in a certain photo. Take everything I say with a grain of salt. Hey, pobody's nerfect, right?

Sunday, November 6, 2011

This Thanksgiving, I am homeless.

Every Thanksgiving, my sisters, my parents and I all go to my mom's family's house. They live a couple hours away and we hardly ever see them, but it because of these people that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

They are such a huge contrast from the other side of family, whom I see all the time. Literally all the time. We all live within 5 blocks of each other. And while I love them to death, I so look forward to seeing my mom's side. They make the traditional Thanksgiving food. They get that this is an all-American holiday deserving of an all-American feast. And not only that, but they are all such loving, wonderful people and I just feel so happy when I'm in the same room as them. I always feel so lucky to be a part of that family during the Thanksgiving nights that we're together.

Needless to say, we won't be going this year. My mom's cousin, who hosts the event at her house, has a daughter who recently got married, so they're all going to her new husband's family's house (take a second to let that sink in.) And that leaves me and my family with few options.

We could:

  • Go to my very Persian aunt's house and basically have a Persian dinner.
  • Have our own holiday, which would be incredibly awkward and boring, seeing as Thanksgiving revolves around the concept of a big family.
  • Go to a restaurant. (We did this a couple years back; it was lonely and sad and desolate and I do not want to do that again.)
So yes. We are metaphorically homeless this holiday. And while I am extremely thankful for the family I do have around me, it's pretty much going to be me "metaphorically" holding up a "Will work for Thanksgiving dinner" sign on Nov. 24.

Sigh. Anyone want to adopt us?

Work out, shmurk out

Yesterday, I had one of those moments where you just feel overwhelmingly crappy about your body. Like, you feel as though you're whole body is a lump of mushiness and that you're starting to let yourself go.

It is in these types of situations where I get really motivated to start exercising... for a day.

I did the lot: push-ups, lunges, crunches, ab workouts. I even got my sister to hold my feet down while I did sit-ups. (Mind you, I did about three of each thing... I am hardly what you would call "athletic.") Now I'm in the hangover phase, where I am super sore and questioning my reasoning for yesterday's sudden burst of athletic energy. And, as usual in these situations, my brain seems satisfied enough with yesterday's workout session. My mind operates under the idea that I have sustained my body health for long enough, and that another similar workout regime won't be necessary for another... week? month? (a.k.a. the next time I feel like a mushy pile of bleh.)

I promise I don't have any serious body issues. I love my body and I have always had a surprising amount of confidence in my image, which is kind of weird for a teenage Angelino. But sometimes, you just feel gross. (I know other girls will understand.) So, until next time, soreness.

Such a shame. I really felt those abs coming in...

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Happy 11/02/2011!

Geddit? Because it's the same backwards and forwards.
If you know me at all, you know I over-think and over-analyze everything. So whenever these iconic dates come up (11/11/11 is next...) I get really freaked out. You always see the cool pattern in the date, and then "You will never see this again in your lifetime."
It is at this point when I start panicking about how short and unpredictably inconclusive life is, and "Death is inescapable" and yada yada yada.
I get jumpy when this kind of stuff is mentioned. Numerology in general is just not my thang.
What can I say? I'm a creature of habit.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Sunday musings

  • Essays are a bitch and a half.
  • When I actually focus, I get a lot of crap done. (Who knew?!)
  • 500 Miles
  • Allen Gregory is actually quite good. I feel that I am satisfying both my comedy and class palettes by watching it.
  • Sundays are gross, simply because the next day is Monday.
  • 500 Miles
  • Laundry days are a bitch and three fourths.
  • Did I mention I hate essays?
  • Sue, Catering
  • "Let's do it" and "I can't do it"
  • 500 Miles
Aaahh, Sundays.

Surprise!

Last night we surprised my cousin for his birthday. It was one of the weirdest things my family has ever done (no one can keep a secret in my family so this was very odd...). But nevertheless, it worked, for the most part. He was a bit suspicious about why he had to go to my other cousin's house (because she was "lonely") but I think we got him pretty good.
Honestly, he deserves some happiness right now. The kid is only 15 and he lost his dad last year. It's been tough, but he's so damn strong. And I'm pretty ashamed of myself really. I should have realized that he was a good kid very early on; I can't believe it took my uncle dying for me to see it.
The thing about my cousin is that, even though he can be steadfast in his beliefs, he gets that I have different opinions about things. And he respects that my point of view is valid, even though he doesn't agree. That's way more than I can say for the other members of my family.
I've always felt really lucky that my family was so close (especially the cousins), but I am grateful for it now more than ever. We need each other, and I'm starting to see that more and more every day.
So here's to you, Jonny. I'll keep making cracks about how tall you are and your ridiculous passion for school if you keep making fun of my dorky attitude and obsession with Harry Potter.

I love you more than you love your X-Box (yes, that's possible). "It's too late." ;)

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Holiday angst

Let's be done with October already. Bring on November and the holiday of all holidays...

THANKSGIVING.

Psh, screw Halloween. I'd take stuffing my face with turkey and cranberry sauce (and khoresht because that's how Persians role) over demanding strangers to give me candy while dressed up in a silly costume any day.

I am obsessed with elephants?



Hey, if you read Water for Elephants, you would be too.

This was my Facebook status.

"Writing two analytic essays and playing some Sinatra in the background. WILD SATURDAY NIGHT."


And people are liking it. What these people don't know is that this kind of weekend is not uncharacteristic of me. I could have absolutely no homework; hell, it could be SUMMER, and I'd still be sitting on my bed, on my computer, mindlessly browsing the internet. And that's totally fine with me.


I have to say, I am very good at creating the illusion that I actually have a life.

People are idiots, Leslie.

I stood up for myself and my gender today. Granted, it was on Facebook, so I didn't actually have to confront anyone. But, still. A douche was being douchey so I set things straight.

That's right ladies and gentlemen, Neda D can argue with the best of them. (She can't write her damn paper that's due in two days, but she can DEFINITELY debate about sexism on social networking sites.) Priorities. I have them.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Best. Present. Ever.

My friend gave me this and, well, I'm dying. If you know me, you know how much I fucking love Shakespeare. Yup, Will's my man. I am bouncing off the walls with excitement. SQUEEEE!

Such a good song

What 10 Classic Books Were Almost Called

1. F. Scott Fitzgerald went through quite a few titles for his most well-known book before deciding on The Great Gatsby. If he hadn’t arrived at that title, high school kids would be pondering the themes of Trimalchio in West Egg; Among Ash-Heaps and Millionaires; On the Road to West Egg; Under the Red, White, and Blue; Gold-Hatted Gatsby; and The High-Bouncing Lover.

2. George Orwell’s publisher didn’t feel the title to Orwell’s novel The Last Man in Europe was terribly commercial and recommended using the other title he had been kicking around—1984.

3. Before it was Atlas Shrugged, it was The Strike, which is how Ayn Rand referred to her magnum opus for quite some time. In 1956, a year before the book was released, she decided the title gave away too much plot detail. Her husband suggested Atlas Shrugged and it stuck.

4. The title of Bram Stoker’s famous Gothic novel sounded more like a spoof before he landed onDracula—one of the names Stoker considered was The Dead Un-Dead.

5. Ernest Hemingway’s original title for The Sun Also Rises was used for foreign-language editions—Fiesta. He changed the American English version to The Sun Also Rises at the behest of his publisher.

6. It’s because of Frank Sinatra that we use the phrase “Catch-22” today. Well, sort of. Author Joseph Heller tried out Catch-11, but because the original Ocean’s Eleven movie was newly in theaters, it was scrapped to avoid confusion. He also wanted Catch-18, but, again, a recent publication made him switch titles to avoid confusion: Leon Uris’ Mila 18. The number 22 was finally chosen because it was 11 doubled.

7. To Kill a Mockingbird was simply Atticus before Harper Lee decided the title focused too narrowly on one character.

8. An apt precursor to the Pride and Prejudice title Jane Austen finally decided on: First Impressions.

9. Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow? Secretly, apparently. Mistress Mary, taken from the classic nursery rhyme, was the working title for Frances Hodgson Burnett’s The Secret Garden.

10. Originally called Ulysses in Dublin, James Joyce’s Dubliners featured characters that would later appear in his epic Ulysses a few years later.

Source: http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/70037

I had no idea this was possible.

The word "Häagen-Dazs" has no meaning in any language, although it is widely thought to be Scandinavian. The ice cream brand was created by two Polish immigrants who came to America, but the name is simply two made-up words that are meant to look Scandinavian.
The real origin of the name is a reversal of the name "Duncan Hines" an original potential marketer of the product, which became "Huncan-Dines." The name was reworked to sound scandinavian and became "Häagen-Dazs."
"People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I'm going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and understand. When the sun returns, I will resume my life.'
If you didn't know what sleep was, and you had only seen it in a science fiction movie, you would think it was weird and tell all your friends about the movie you'd seen.
They had these people, you know? And they would walk around all day and be OK? And then, once a day, usually after dark, they would lie down on these special platforms and become unconscious. They would stop functioning almost completely, except deep in their minds they would have adventures and experiences that were completely impossible in real life. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't unconscious anymore. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.'
So, next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you're in a science fiction movie. And whisper, 'The creature is regenerating itself."

-George Carlin

It's "OK"

The term “O.K.” was popularized by Martin Van Buren. Van Buren was from Kinderhook, New York, sometimes referred to as Old Kinderhook in speeches and print. When he signed off on documents, he found it easier to initial things with “O.K.” instead of his full Dutch name. Eventually, “O.K.” and the spelled out version, “okay” came to mean “all right”.